I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. SCORE 188
Your cat hates you. SCORE 148
If Parks and Rec. characters were children’s books. SCORE 135
Soon. SCORE 8
When you have a snake as a roommate. SCORE 207
How “no homo” sounds. SCORE 21
I can’t wait to see this in my grandkids history books! SCORE 207
Found my shirt. SCORE 117
How I view optimists, as a pessimist. SCORE 178
Shotgun vs. Rosa parks. SCORE 290
Our nations finest quidditch players. SCORE 482
Complimentary air guitar. SCORE 10
Church of Rodel, Scotland SCORE 21
Accurate. SCORE 146
Non-essential organ support group. SCORE 222
Good Guy Dave. SCORE 461
The future. SCORE 23
I like the sound you make when… SCORE 12
2pactopus SCORE 113
Mount Rainier, Washington SCORE 257
When Tumblr gets deep. SCORE 441
Louigi gets a tough break. SCORE 24
You just can’t trust an Oompa Loompa. SCORE 186
I can never show my face around there again SCORE 9
Only slightly creepy. SCORE -9
Scumbag NSA. SCORE 395
Never trust a toddler. SCORE 82
George R.R. Martin vs. J. K. Rowling. SCORE 22
Unlikely lines from a cosmetics commercial. SCORE 455
The trouble with being Canadian. SCORE 327
Come on in, the water’s fine! SCORE -15
Literally all I ever see on Facebook SCORE 16
